Well, this blog should be lightening up quite a bit since I quit my job yesterday.
I struggled with the idea of winners and losers. For awhile, I thought I would be a "winner" because I kept my job. Then I revised. Although I kept my job, I would still remain amongst those who resented my being there. It would still be a hostile environment.
All told, I 'd end up losing. I'd be stressed out, the seizures would still be there and let's not even get into unhappiness.
Almost the instant I quit, there was this immense wave of relief. And I do mean "wave." Here's some of the advantages (more to follow, I'm pretty sure):
1. Sleeping like a normal person. I no longer have to go to bed at 2 or 4 in the afternoon listening to the five-year-old outside playing. The shutters no longer have to remain closed, feigning total darkness in order to trick myself into believeing I was in some semblance of nighttime.
2. I can go to movies. No more matinees. Even though they were cheaper, I'm sick of getting stuck with the rowdy teenagers and toddlers. I'm willing to pay the three extra dollars in order to see and interact with other adults.
3. I can see my friends. Not that I have too many but when there's bridal showers and the like (I never would believe that I would enjoy going to those things.) I can avoid the familiar yet still embarrassing speech about going to bed egregiously early and working overnight. This was usually met with one of two responses: "How can you do that?? I could never do that." or "I've always wondered about doing that." The latter statement usually produced a violent shake of my head and crazy eyes, which was my way of warning them to take a job in fast food prior to giving an overnight shift more than a thought in passing.
4. I can watch Jeopardy without feeling like I'm cutting into Sleepytime. 'Nuff said about this one. Alex rocks.
5. I have weekends. And not just two days off in the middle of the week. Yeah, I tried to tell myself that everyone else is at work and I've got everything to myself. But I was kind of getting sick of that. I never realized before what a social creasture I am. Even if I don't interact with people, it's reassuring to know that a bomb did not go off in Austin and I am the only survivor.
6. I can train/I can write. I put these two together because they are going to be the main focus of my new life. They are things that are more important than breathing at times and where my energies are now going. I've finally come to realize that writing is what I've done since I could hold a pen in my hand and, if I hang in there and eat my animals in a casserole, I will finally make enough money to survive. It would be super-duper to finally reach my goals.
One thing I feel terrible about is that there are peckerheads floating among people that I truly care about. The majority of people I worked with fall into the second category. They were supportive and affectionate and some of them were the ones who got the ball rolling for me.
A lifetime of healthy living versus a week of misery is a price I'll pay everytime.