Tuesday, July 14, 2009

List of house selling

Things I will not miss after the house buying and selling is over

1. The intimate knowledge of "short sale", "foreclosure", "mello roos", "HOA" and "contingency agreement".

2. Having those words take up the space in my brain where the bad 80s songs used to reside. I never thought I'd miss Madonna.

3. Having the phone surgically implanted for immediate notification of home-related issues. (Note: I will now give the benefit of the doubt for the poor slob whose phone rings at the restaurant. If he looks like he's about to have a heart attack, he's selling his house.)

4. Having said phone stay as silent as waiting for the person you really liked in high school actually call you when you gave him your phone number. "Is it working??" *pick up receiver*

5. Living in a museum - i.e., no socks left on the floor, no imprints on the vacuumed carpet (requires levitation), god help you if you left a coffee ring.

6. Feeling really super duper strung out - lack of sleep, dreaming of life in a cardboard box, constant sweating, sailor mouth at inappropriate times, all conversations with friends containing "Take it easy. . ."

7. A diet of Hot Tamales and pita bread because of the need to keep the house ultra-bare since real people don't actually eat - they just keep the cereal boxes lined up in alphabetical order and soup arranged by type (chicken v. bean) and can size.

8. The immediate and essential washing of workout clothes since no one in THIS house smells like feet after riding or running.

9. Until a permanent residence presents itself, the closet is stripped of most clothing, leaving like five things hung in a tasteful manner to show potential Buyers that this room? Is a closet. These rods? Where the clothes hang.

10. The raging desire for perfect strangers to call causing maniacal cleaning, dog walks in the 100 degree heat and picking up of rice grains and, one-by-one, animal hairs that just might have fallen to the ground - and the urgent desire for this to happen.