Friday, November 28, 2008

Nothing really. No, really.

I'm not sure why I'm posting anything. In the haze of the oncoming coma from leftover turkey, my brain is not thinking of writing.

BUT I am feeling guilty from not writing anything so I figure that something is better than nothing, right?

Or maybe not.

For those of you who went shopping today, I salute you. But I don't envy you. I am going to gloat, however, because I've finished almost all of my shopping and I've done it all within the confines of my computer.

Really, how do you do it? Is it a need for social contact? Are the bargains that good? I mean, it's a free country so do what you want but there would have to be one million dollars waiting for me wrapped in a big red bow for me even to approach a mall.

I did purchase a cactus.

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Prescription refill over the phone

(Perky voice)
"Hello and welllcome to CVS Pharmacy. Please say 'refill' for refill, 'physician' if you're a physician and 'new prescription' if you have a new prescription."


"OK. Please enter or say your refill number."


"I'm sorry. I didn't understand. Did you say, '123456'?"


"Right on. As you can tell, we're trying the lame marketing ploy of trying to sound conversational. Say 'yes' if this works for you and 'no' if you wish you could speak to a real person."

"No. I'm just trying to refill my prescription and I'm tired from something as lame as a machine at the gym that makes me spin my feet and go nowhere. I'm ready to go to bed."

"I'm sorry. I didn't understand a word you just said. You see, I'm not a real person. I'm just a computerized voice. Did you say 'refill'? Say 'yes' if you want to go through this whole speech again and again and, well, there's nothing else you can say so tough luck."


"Hello and welllcome to CVS pharmacy. Do you really need your seizure medicine this badly? You realize that we're going to send you generics even if your doctor wrote 'brand only' only your prescription. Say 'yes' if you want to risk it and 'no' if you didn't plan ahead and have to pay $50 for our expedited service."


"OK. Is there anything else I can do for you?"

"I'd like a hooker."

"Are you dominant or submissive."

"I'm a fetishist."

"I'm sorry. I didn't understand what you said. Goodbye."

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Would you like ice cream with your humble pie?

An elliptical? Hurts. Karma? Hurts worse.

For anyone I've ever slighted for pumping away at an elliptical, I'm sorry. I sweated. I swore. I turned my iPod up to ear shattering volumes.

I was on the first level.

Yeah, big tough Ironman triathlete. After this back injury, I'm learning to take my humility where I can get it.

15 minutes walking backwards on a treadmill. All of my work on the leg machines kept at low reps and ten pounds. I hurt myself doing lat pulls at 10 POUNDS. I had to take a muscle relaxant when I got home. Oh, and there's the elliptical.

Also an ego-destroyer is the revelation by my physical therapists that I've been working out wrong for, oh, my whole life. You mean that's supposed to be a MUSCLE??

But for all of the humiliation today at the gym, I'm glad to be there. That was my first trip in six months and it was nice to be around the sounds of people working out. If you had asked me six months ago if I thought going to the gym would be major sign of accomplishment, I would have laughed.

Sunday, November 16, 2008

Confusion in . . .3. . .2. . .1

I've spent the majority of the last 24 hours hopelessly mired in what, to me, is advanced technology.

I put my photos on Flickr, which I can't seem to link to Facebook, which I can't link to blogger but I can link Flickr to Blogger but I need to access my Google account to which my username and passwords are as lost to me as a fighter pilot in the Bermuda Triangle. What's my screen name? Is it different from my username? Which email address am I using? Is this the one where I was forced at gunpoint in order to create an account - the one I don't remember? Does anyone even look at this stuff?

Life used to be easy when I had the one little email account. Now I've got so many, I don't know where I'm @ anymore. (Bah doom)

What happened to paper resumes, cutting clips I've written out of the paper and making copies, a resume on hard stock and photos on glossy paper? Why, instead of feeling advanced, do I just feel antique?

All of this stuff is supposed to act as a portfolio to potential employers. It's meant to show my best work. The only thing I'm going to get hired for is something akin to licking envelopes. But there's no envelopes anymore.

Friday, November 14, 2008

Guess what??


(Although these are not reptiles, I took these at the Snake Farm in Texas)

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Daily Kona report

I realize that, when going back and reading my posts (because if I don't, who will?), this blog has gotten SERIOUSLY off-topic.

For memory's sake, yes, I am still a triathlete. Yes, I'm still going for Kona. But if I had given a daily report of my training as of late, it would read like this:

"My back hurts."

"My back hurts."

"My back hurt."

Pretty boring, huh?

So I'll say this about today's workout - I ran for ten whole minutes. Now I'm not hating - I've been waiting for those ten minutes for a long time but I would be remiss if I didn't say that it's gonna be a long road. But I guess the shortest distance between here and Hawaii is a straight line. (I'm not sure what that means but I was trying for a metaphor about there's no other road to Kona besides the long one. Which is the one I would be taking, back injury or no back injury so I don't know why I have to been so schmaltzy about things.)

Monday, November 10, 2008

Get your vampire on

Let's see I didn't make my deadline because. . .

I didn't get any of my ten minute run in because. . .

I haven't changed out of my pajamas because. . .

I'm reading teenage vampire books. If you haven't read the Twilight series by Stephenie Meyers, then by all means go to your favorite bookstore and pick one up. That way you make me justify my self-involvement.

I have no idea why I'm hooked on these.

Just one little piece of advice - don't take one of these books to bed because they're thick and hurts when you drop it on your nose. Know when to say when.

Sunday, November 9, 2008

For (really) immature audiences only

This? Is the funniest thing ever. Just make sure the volume is on.

*click me*

Just remember that you're not immature, you're developmentally special.

Tuesday, November 4, 2008


I am so excited and it's not from the celebratory Three Musketeers sugar rush.

It's because I don't have to seriously entertain thoughts about fleeing to another country before this one went to pot. It would have been a pain in the butt to move my horse to New Zealand.

I know that's way farther than Canada but, hey, I like to be different. Nothing against Canadians. Frankly, I've seen nothing of Canada but it looks to be beautiful. And cold. And that's why I moved out of the great city of Chicago.

And I have been to New Zealand and I KNOW that's beautiful. And not so cold. Oh, and beautiful.

Oh, I'm so off point.

Since I was legally allowed to vote, I've not been thrilled about either of the candidates. They all seemed smarmy. I know I'm one of those "don't judge a book. ." people but seriously. I voted because I had to.

This year? Way different. This year I appreciated exponentially my right to vote. I really wanted to get someone who can get this country. Senator Obama got my vote. Enthusiastically.

And god knows I hate to lose.

So congratulations to President Obama. This is going to be awesome. But New Zealand. I still coulda loved New Zealand.